For those of you I struggle with bingeing and purging, to be exact. I locked myself in such a bubble on what I can and cannot eat. When I went just outside of that little bubble, I would just keep going until it burst. This bubble was my stomach and my feelings. Carbs, Fats, Artificial Sugars, were not part of my diet. When I went out with my friends or family to eat ice cream or dessert, I would either sit there, and eat nothing, unless it was something “vegan, sugar-free, carb-free, organic, dairy-free, and natural.” That was my comfort zone. When I ate something outside of that, Vegan Ice Cream, perhaps, I would come home and eat anything in the world. Because although vegan ice cream is not bad, “it still had sugar.” So, when I come home, pretzels, chocolate bars, more ice cream, brownies, cookies, chips, anything I could find would soon be in my stomach. Because I ate that scoop of ice cream.  

Now, although that might sound insane to you, it is a lot of people’s reality. Especially in this day in age. Unfortunately, it is not a choice either. According to eatingdisorderfoundation.org, “they develop due to a combination of an individual’s genetics, social environment, and psychological health.”

My psychological health was damaged. I am putting this information out there, just to clarify, to help someone. I am hoping you realize that you are more than your pain; you are more than what others tell you. I let my disability get the best of me. I let my problem control me. I let my expectations control me. It was all at first to get healthy. I was not overweight but unsatisfied with how I felt, and how I looked. And that’s okay! But I did not love myself, I definitely did not love my disability. Now that is a problem. Instead of embracing my disability, I diminished it. I didn’t tell anyone when I was in pain, when I was hurt. I didn’t try to find ways to exercise without pain and get healthy either. Instead, I directed it to food. I made myself lose weight in a way no one knew about. At first, I was just bulimic. When I lost the weight, that’s when I started to restrict myself of the food I was eating. I kept getting deeper and deeper into a hole that I was digging. An eating disorder can not be cured by medicine, but by the help of family, friends, and professionals. 

I am still recovering. I try to get back to living life, and not being scared of it food i’m eating. It only takes time. If you have a similar experience, we can recover together. Some people never had this problem, but I know there are many people out there that do. Even if you have not had an ED, it is still very important that you treat your body with respect when it comes to food. I do this by practicing mindful eating. 

With mindful eating, you learn to control your eating habits by:

-       Eating slowly and without distraction (phones, television, etc.)

-       Distinguishing between your ED triggers and hunger triggers.

-       Appreciating your food

-       Noticing what foods make you feel good

-       Realizing when you are full

Today, food has become a major topic in America. We forget what it is like to eat food for fuel. It has become an emotional aspect of our life. We often eat too fast or eat without purpose and don’t even realize what we’re eating or how much we are eating. Mindful eating will allow us to pinpoint when we are full, by slowing down when eating, and by focusing on how much we are eating. This way, we don’t automatically become full, we intentionally become full. As for when you should eat next, ask yourself if you’re hungry. If you are having a glass of water and ask yourself again. The body often confuses itself with thirst and hunger. If you are still in the mood to, eat try recognizing when you are hungry or emotionally hungry. If you are emotionally hungry, ask yourself what happened to put you in that mental state. In that way, we are able to decipher the triggers in which causes this, and how we can handle the situation properly.

Soon, we will be able to see food as fuel, not as an enemy, not as a cry for help. If you are trying to be healthier, but see yourself crying for help in pain, try one of my workout videos, and recipes. If you want to speak to me about your ed, or your journey, contact me.