I am getting my last surgery tomorrow… or so, I think. 

I walked out of the surgery room the day I launched my nonprofit with such relief; because I thought I was done. I thought the last mark on my body was made; however, I was wrong. The pain continued, and I began to get angry. I have been furious at my body and back to not having a great relationship with myself, feeling like pain won. 

Pain can change anything. Physical pain changes the way you act, how you move, how you feel, the way you eat.

As I mentioned before, the pain will occur, and it is not avoidable. My solution in my case for pain; is, well, surgeries. Although I am incredibly grateful for what I have and how I am treated; my pain does not go away; until I cause more pain (aka removing osteochondromas).

I never thought this way until now; because I am getting tired. More mentally than physically because pain is now consuming me. 

Pain always has and will always be an obstacle for me, and sometimes pain will win. I don’t want to hold on to the phrase that pain will go away one day for me; because maybe it won’t.

I have been in a terrible place, physically and mentally. I haven’t been sleeping, and I have been getting sad and angry, causing my family and friends to worry about me. 

Pain does not go away. It gets very frustrating when you have supportive and caring friends, family, and boyfriends at your fingertips giving you all their time, but the pain is not going away. 

People will never understand what it is like to be inside your body; however, try to be real and allow people to try to understand; instead of isolating yourself into your pain. It’s not just you and your pain, although it definitely feels like it for me. If they really love you, the people at your fingertips will let you scream at them, cry at them, squeeze their hand.

That will not help the pain, but it will help your brain set free. If that does not help, and you need more release, go to the gym; punch a punching bag; scream into a pillow; try to find a certain release for your body; that will help you get your anger out. 

Something I realized: relief is temporary, but it matters. People who know what it is like to have pain every day may spend money on massages, acupuncture, spas, and mysterious magical treatments. And you feel great; for 3 days or so. You will go back to pain, no doubt about it, until you make a solid change. However, you may do anything to get rid of the pain, if only even for a second, because that one second; matters.

That is reality, and although that is the unfortunate reality, we have to live with and deal with it. Moments without pain; make you 100 times happier; because you are not used to it. It makes you appreciate so much more; that most of the world is handed.

It stinks; your one of the few that deal with pain all the time; it’s miserable; it’s frustrating; it’s unfortunate, but it is your life, and you are here, and people are here for you as annoying as it may be. Make that temporary change; every second matter.

Remember *Life does stink; pain is annoying, but you here*