We are told to put ourselves before others; however, sometimes, we may know that to be selfish in some cases. However, we are told to push ourselves to our limit and be as productive as possible. Getting everything done can make you feel great; however, you realize that we can be making many sacrifices that negatively impact the people we care for and ourselves at the end of the day. Between applying for college, working, managing my nonprofit, working through therapy, and finishing high school while focusing on my mental and physical health, I could not do it all. After school ended, I was ready to get back moving, blogging, and recording again; however, I realized I needed a break. My mental health started plummeting around April. I lost a connection with many people I cared about most; I lost who I was as a person and soon became dark and scared. I knew to get back to the person everyone knows; I had to be the opposite of what I was; productive. Then after college acceptances, after school, I decided to focus on myself, my health, my strength. I realized my heart was not in a good place, and I needed to do a little forgiving. A couple of months ago, I felt like I had nothing to share, nothing to give because I needed a lot of advice myself. Often, we get stuck in the go, go, go mentality until we are burned. Then, we get stuck in the no, no, no psyche, and the cycle repeats. This summer, I decided to give priority to myself. However, I got caught up in my own time. But this event can happen.

I lost track of my blogging, as I kept writing drafts but never posted. I got too caught up in routine, and let’s be honest, last year, staying home all the time helped me stay on track. A minor update on my life; I committed to Boston University and decided to change my major from Environmental Science to Physical Therapy. Physical therapy will help me further my knowledge in Health and Fitness and provide a professional aspect to this nonprofit. Since the senior year started back up in person in March, I have had to set my nonprofit aside, and focus on myself, because let’s face it, there was a lot of rebuilding to do on my end. I think I did an okay job at rebuilding, and everything seems to be coming back into place. Focusing on me meant doing whatever made me happy, intuitively eating, resting when tired, going out when we need to, rebuilding my relationship with my family. I’m trying to take a break every once in a while, not go go go, not feel alone when alone. I have been focusing a lot on my gym journey, getting stronger and stronger mentally, and it is crazy to see how much I have progressed. Doing what you love helps you rebuild yourself, one by one, giving you more of a battery charge, making you fuller, lighter, happier. Taking a self-care night instead of going out with your friends is by no means selfish. It makes you a better person; because giving yourself time when you know you need it means paying closer attention to your friends because you are present. I remember when I first started lifting heavy, struggling to hack squat 100 lbs, and now hitting 460. I caught myself smiling at my accomplishments. I continue to write my PRs, and as they increase, I feel more assertive and more accomplished; because I know the work is paying off. There must be one thing that you do for the satisfaction of yourself, to see a journey, to see that you are progressing along the way.

Whether that journey through fitness, exercise, recreation, food, it’s exciting to see how far you have come, one way or another. I’m leaving for college on August 21st. As I begin school, I will also start another journey, and again, I will begin to prioritize other things than myself. That is my schoolwork and my nonprofit. Now, I got my life back on track; and I am ready to take myself off of the Priority list for a little. It is okay to be a little self-centered, not lose sight of your path. If you do, and when you do, be selfish for a bit. Cut out everything that you need to feel content with where you are. Take a step back, look at where you are, what you need, and ask yourself what you need at that moment.